The Media Mook: Satirical News for the On-the-Go Cynic

by: Sean T. Johnston

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Dec 10 2008

Obama Infrastructure Spending to Include $80 billion in improvements for “Information Superhighway”

Published by respectthet at 8:35 pm under Politics Edit This

Chicago, Illinois

President-elect Barack Obama announced today a massive public works project aimed at improving the nations faltering infrastructure while putting thousands of unemployed Americans back to work.

Billed by economic analysts as a contemporary “New Deal,” the proposed spending includes over $125 billion in deferred bridge and road maintenance, along with an additional $80 billion to fix the country’s ailing “Information Superhighway.”

“Under the disastrous economic policies of the Bush Administration, we have seen an unprecedented lapse in public funding for this vital thoroughfare of ideas,” accused Obama, referring to the culturally obsolete synonym for the Internet.

“We have an obligation to see that all Americans can be guaranteed a smooth ride from AOL on through to Zappos.”

A significant portion of the earmarked $80 billion will serve as direct investment in outmoded 1990s era internet service providers like Prodigy.net, Lycos and defunct search engines such as Excite. 

The remaining funds will provide subsidized 14.4k baud modems for Americans to “surf” this Information Superhighway.

Information Superhighway

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